Freely Given
The Way of Jesus: Freely Given
Matthew 6:14-15
Introduction
The message I am about to give to you is based on one that I wrote and delivered over ten years ago. Proverbs 16:9 informs us that “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Like the series we are currently exploring regarding the Lord’s Prayer, I had planned to preach through Matthew 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount, for the church I was serving at the time. Well, the Lord certainly predetermined my steps! On the week before I was to deliver the sermon on Christian forgiveness, my wife and I experienced the most traumatic betrayal from church leadership that we have ever known. The timing of the betrayal and the sermon I was to preach was providential. While my recovery from that trauma took many years, my deep dive into the nature of Christian forgiveness likely preserved my soul and calling in ministry. What I will share with you was forged right in the fires of deep personal injury.
In preparation for that message ten years ago, along with Scripture study and prayer, I read theologian Miroslav Volf’s book on the topic, Free of Charge. Volf was born in Communist Yugoslavia. His family experienced injustice that most of us could never imagine and after the Cold War, the ruthless civil war that tore his homeland apart with religious and ethnic hatred. He would know a thing or two about the challenge of forgiveness. When he was only a year old, his older brother, Daniel, was killed in a tragic and senseless accident. Daniel was only five at the time and he was very curious about the military station just a block away from their apartment. He wandered out of the gated yard of their apartment complex and up to the military base to play with his soldier “friends,” as he called them. One of the men set him on a horse drawn bread cart. As the cart was passing through the gate on a bumpy cobblestone road, the boy leaned sideways and his head got stuck between the gate post and the wagon. The horse kept going. Daniel died on the way to the hospital.[1]
If you are a parent, how do
you recover from something like that?
How do you forgive your sister – the boy’s aunt – who was supposed to be
watching him? How do you forgive the soldier
who carelessly put your young son in that dangerous situation? How do you do that?
At the trial, Daniel’s parents did not press charges against the soldier, though they would have won a substantial financial award. The soldier was so wracked with guilt that he needed to be hospitalized. Daniel’s father, burdened with a grief that would never leave him, visited the man in the hospital to comfort him and offer forgiveness from him and his wife without charge. And the mother’s sister, whose negligence led to the whole tragedy, was forgiven and lovingly embraced. Her responsibility was never spoken of in the family. She had been forgiven for her enormous debt.
How does one forgive like that when you’ve been wounded so deeply? Some of you may have experienced such a horrific accident. But most of us have never suffered so deeply…and yet we struggle with forgiving those who have injured us. Jesus said,
“…if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their
trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:14-15
The Forgiveness Equation
Within various Christian traditions, there are those who believe you can lose your salvation for a variety of reasons and there are those who believe you cannot lose your salvation. If you believe that you cannot lose your salvation, Jesus’ words here are troublesome. Is Jesus saying that if I don’t forgive someone, I will lose my salvation and spend eternity in hell? These two verses, along with the parable about the unforgiving servant that we read earlier in the service (Matt. 18:23-35) may lead us to think that Jesus is teaching just that. What a terrifying thought!
I realize and recognize the tension between Christian traditions that teach you can lose your salvation and those that say you can’t. There are strong biblical passages to support both sides of the theological argument. Those who contend a Christian who has been “born-again” cannot be “unborn” would likely think that unforgiveness in our heart simply leaves a stain and keeps us from the fullness of life and enjoyment of God’s presence and power.
And so, they might think, “OK. I can live like that. I’ll take the loss of God’s fullness and presence in my life if I don’t forgive. My wound is too deep to forgive. As long as I don’t lose my salvation.”
Let me say gently, but firmly: not so fast. You cannot avoid the serious implications of this passage. This applies to every Christian no matter what you believe about eternal security. If you harbor unforgiveness in your heart towards another person, it says something deeply troubling about your spiritual condition. Hear me. This is very important.
Forgiveness is freely given to us by God. The Bible teaches us that God forgave us even before he created the world (Eph. 1:4; I Peter 1:20; Rev. 13:8). God has extended forgiveness to everyone (I John 2:2). But not everyone is forgiven. To receive God’s forgiveness, we must believe what God has said and repent. Repentance is the recognition and acknowledgement of our sin and turning away from it.
A
simple illustration will help. I really
appreciate (name someone in the congregation and bring them up to the
platform.) I appreciate them so much
that I have purchased and wrapped a gift for them. I give it to them free of charge without any
expectations. Now they can take that
gift with their hands, but if they never unwrap it, they never truly receive
the gift.
God gives everyone the gift of forgiveness through Jesus Christ. We receive it by belief and repentance.
Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king
who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one
was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not
pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that
he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring
him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity
for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But
when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed
him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay
what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have
patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in
prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had
taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their
master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him,
‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on
you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay
all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do
not forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:23-35
The illustration that Jesus gave about the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 teaches that if we harbor unforgiveness in our heart against another person, we have not fully believed God’s assessment of our own moral indebtedness and repented of our own sins. Clearly, we have not grieved over the depth of our own rebellion. We do not believe God’s condemnation of our sin. Our repentance is incomplete and therefore, our forgiveness is incomplete. We haven’t unwrapped the fullness of God’s forgiveness for us. That’s why Jesus says we are unforgiven by the Father.
What a sobering thought…
What is Christian Forgiveness?
The Bible says, we are to forgive one another as God in Christ forgave us (Eph. 4:32). What is that kind of forgiveness? Do we just suck it up, pretend that nothing happened, and move on with our life? “Forgive one another, just as God forgave you.” That’s not how God forgave. True forgiveness deals with the fullness of the offense. If you just pretend that nothing happened – and we do that all the time, don’t we? We say, “Oh it’s nothing…” If you pretend that nothing has happened, you have not forgiven the other person. You have not released them from their moral debt to you. To forgive is to first condemn. That seems harsh. But without full acknowledgement of the offense and the moral debt that is owed to you we are not forgiving as God forgave us.
The Bible clearly condemns our sin. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God’” (Romans 3:23). “There is none righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10). “You were dead in [your] trespasses and sins…and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind” (Eph. 2:1-3). Before we were forgiven, we were condemned.
You cannot truly forgive others as God has forgiven you unless you name and condemn the offense against you. This is where a lot of us need to do some work...where the rubber meets the road. Some of us recoil from naming and condemning the actions of another toward us because we somehow think that is ungodly. Or the offense is so painful that we cannot bring ourselves to revisit it. But unless we condemn (hear me) there is no moral indebtedness to forgive. In that case, forgiveness is meaningless. It’s just a social game in repressing our pain. It’s like radon gas in your home. You don’t see it. You don’t identify it. But it can kill you. In the same way, if you don’t specifically name and condemn the offense against you, you will not truly forgive and you deprive the other person the wonderful blessing of having their moral debt to you cancelled.
I like how Miraslov Volf describes this kind of forgiveness:
To forgive means to accuse the wrongdoers while at the same time freeing them of charges against them, releasing them from guilt, and eventually letting the wrongdoing slip into oblivion. The removal of guilt is a crucial element of forgiveness. If guilt remains, forgiveness hasn’t happened.
But guilt can’t be removed if it hasn’t been established. If you harbor unforgiveness in your heart against someone, perhaps you need to take the time to reflect on what you suffered and to specifically identify and name the offense. That is a painful and necessary step in forgiveness. And once you’ve identified the offense, then, in light of your own awful indebtedness towards God that has been forgiven, you can release the other person.
We forgive for the other person’s sake…
It is popular today to grant forgiveness to others for the sake of our own inner peace. The likes of Oprah and Dr. Phil advise us that forgiving others is important if we want to be well. There is a lot of wisdom in what they say. If you cultivate unforgiveness in your heart you will reap bitterness in your soul – a bitterness that will rob you of any peace and joy in life. I’ve been there and I suspect many of you have lived in that landscape as well. You were so deeply wounded that you refused to forgive. And that unforgiveness festered into bitterness that poisoned everything in your life. There is good reason to forgive for your own sake.
But such a motivation falls short of the wonderful action of Christian forgiveness. We are to forgive just as God forgave us. God didn’t forgive us so he might feel better. God forgave you and me because he had compassion on us. To forgive as a Christian is to grieve over the sin of your enemy for his or her sake. It is to lift the burden of guilt of the one who offended you because you, yourself, know how awful the burden of guilt feels. Martin Luther said that Christians who forgive as God forgives “grieve more over the sin of their offenders than over the loss or offense to themselves. And they do this that they may recall those offenders from their sin rather than avenge the wrongs they themselves have suffered.”[2]
Obstacles to forgiveness
This
kind of forgiveness is hard. It requires
a very generous soul.
·
What if a person won’t
acknowledge their offense? Perhaps they
are prideful and refuse to see what they have done. Forgive them anyway. Forgiveness won’t be complete, but you will
have done what God has asked. Perhaps
the person has died. Specifically name
and condemn their offense and release them from the debt anyway. Sometimes, a guilty person is too ashamed to
be able to acknowledge their debt to you.
This is often the case with a parent who abandoned a child. Have mercy on them. Forgive them anyway.
·
What if they are
unrepentant? Forgive them anyway. Forgiveness will not be complete because
repentance is required to receive it.
But you will be echoing the forgiveness of God as well as experiencing
his heartache for those who do not receive his gift of forgiveness in Christ.
·
Many times, the person
who offended you was in a position of power over you and was not held
accountable. This is unjust. Forgive them anyway. They may have held social power over you, but
in God’s eyes, you hold moral power over them as long as they are indebted to
you. Be like God. Have compassion on them and forgive or you
are demonstrating that you, too, remain a moral offender against God with your
lack of repentance and recognition of your own sin.
·
If I forgive them, does
it mean that I have to trust them? Not
if they are dangerous. This is
especially true in abusive situations.
The Bible is clear. You must
forgive. And even though that
forgiveness may not be complete because of their actions, you are not obligated
to put yourself in a dangerous place by trusting them again. Even the Apostle Paul warned Timothy against
certain people who had wronged him.
(“Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him
according to his deeds. Beware of him
yourself, for he strongly opposed our message” II Tim. 4:14-15.)
· Must there be reconciliation? It is not always possible because people sometimes don’t receive forgiveness through repentance. And there can be no reconciliation without repentance. In that case, forgiveness is not complete. But you have done your part, and you will know the grief that God feels towards people who refuse to acknowledge their sin and repent.
In many instances, as I have mentioned, forgiveness cannot be completed. And it is often the case that authentic forgiveness takes a good amount of time. When you are wounded by someone, it may take time to fully digest the full nature of the offense against you. But you must identify the offense and condemn it if there is to be real forgiveness. That may take time. It often takes time for the pain of the wound to subside before you can honestly begin to address forgiveness. It should be obvious that you cannot stay in that state. You must forgive. But sometimes, that takes time. In all of those situations – whether you are so overcome by pain that it is difficult to consider forgiveness or whether the other person refuses to acknowledge their offense – you can and must begin to at least sow seeds of forgiveness that can eventually blossom into the full flower of grace. As a follower of Jesus, you cannot refuse to forgive. If you refuse, your refusal has terrifying implications.
But I Can’t Forgive!
“But Pastor Bob,” you say, “I can’t forgive!”
You’re right. You can’t. Only God can forgive. The Pharisees of Jesus’ day were incensed when Jesus claimed the authority to forgive sins (Matthew 9:1-8). They would have been right if Jesus were merely a man. But he proved himself to be God when he healed the man.
And yet the Scriptures command us to forgive others just as God, in Christ, has forgiven us. Our forgiveness of others comes from God. It is an echo of his forgiveness through us to others. But still, you say, “I can’t forgive.” Right. You can’t. But Christ can. The Apostle Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). This is the powerful and profound truth of the Gospel. The life we live is Christ in us. Your old self has died with Christ when you trusted him for salvation. Honestly ask yourself, “How does Christ see this other person?” See him or her through Christ’s eyes and you will be able to forgive anything. Because it isn’t you. It is Christ.
Many of you know the story of Corrie Ten Boom. She and her family sheltered Jews from capture in her homeland in Holland during World War II. They were eventually discovered and sent off to concentration camps. Corrie never saw her father again. Her sister, Betsie, died in the cruel, inhuman Nazi work camp. Just days after Betsie’s death, Corrie was miraculously released. Years later, Corrie had an encounter with the power of forgiveness. She writes in her memoir, The Hiding Place:
It was at a
church in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the
shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I
had seen since that time. And suddenly
it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s
pain-blanched face.
He came up
to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Frauline,” he said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my
sins away!”
His hand was
thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had
preached so often to people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at
my side.
Even as the
angry vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I
going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I
prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
I tried to
smile; I struggled to raise my hand. I
could not. I felt nothing, not the
slightest spark of warmth or charity.
And so again I breathed a silent prayer.
Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give
me Your forgiveness.
As I took
his hand the most incredible thing happened.
From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to
pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that
almost overwhelmed me.
And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When he tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.[3]
It is only when we recognize our own sin and see people through the eyes of Christ that we can forgive the worst that people give to us. You see, only broken people can truly forgive. That’s why Jesus began his Sermon on the Mount by saying, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” God calls us to forgive the debts of those who have wronged us. And it is when we offer forgiveness to our enemies that we experience the fullness of God’s forgiveness for us.
These are the words of Jesus. This is the way of Jesus.
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