Some Thoughts on Civil Conversation in a Polarized World

 

I am a “middle-child,” the youngest of three brothers with a sister five years behind me.  It’s in my nature to negotiate and try to get along.  I suppose that’s why I get so easily disheartened by the polarized culture in which we find ourselves today.  The lack of civility and courtesy seems most often apparent on social media where you can say whatever you want without the threat of getting smacked in the face.  Because I am very interested in cultural matters, I will read and occasionally comment on a post that is political in nature.  I am rarely encouraged by the feedback that I receive.  I often wonder why I even bother to engage. 

Let me share where I’m coming from…

When offering my thoughts regarding cultural or political matters (theological matters as well), I state them as my opinion rather than fact.  The use of “IMO” (in my opinion) can be very helpful in diffusing heat in a political discussion, allowing it to continue between differing viewpoints with a measure of civility.  Asserting one’s opinion as fact seems to be a sure way to shut down a conversation or turn it into an argument.  (“Seems” is also a helpful word when trying to maintain a civil conversation between differing points of view.)

St. Francis of Assisi taught us to pray, “to understand [others] rather than to be understood.”  If we want a unified culture - if we want to be peacemakers – seeking to understand is the approach we need to adopt in our interactions with others.  Sadly, I see so little of that virtue manifested on social media.  There is a better way.

People who are hurting or who are oppressed want to be heard.  They need to be understood if we are ever going to work effectively towards reconciliation and peace.  Let me offer two contemporary scenarios:

The shooting of Jacob Blake in the back by a police officer in Kenosha this summer was a tragedy by all accounts.  It is true that Mr. Blake should not have resisted arrest.  If he hadn’t resisted, he wouldn’t have been shot.  That’s not an opinion.  That’s a fact.  You could go on and talk about the importance of respecting authority, including the police, and you would make valid points relevant to the shooting.  But if you assert all of those valid points without demonstrating empathy for black men and women who have a history of being unjustly mistreated by law enforcement, you most likely will not have a productive conversation with many African American folks.  When people who have been unjustly treated by police see a black man being shot by law enforcement, it reopens the wounds they have felt.  If we want to achieve reconciliation, we need to acknowledge their experience and pain.  It’s called listening empathetically.  Instead of asserting your position as fact, which, indeed, it may be, leave space to listen to the very human hurt and pain from the other side.  When we listen empathetically, we can hope that we might be able to achieve some justice and live together in peace. 

In the same way, no evidence has been found that the recent presidential election was stolen from Donald Trump.  But it does no good to assert that as fact to the MAGA supporter.  It may very well indeed be fact.  But the typical Trump supporter has observed enough significant and multiple voting abnormalities to question the election.  And the mainstream media and Democrats have refused to admit that there were significant abnormalities that need to be addressed.  Until the election irregularities are admitted and addressed, the MAGA folks will feel that they have been disenfranchised.  And, to be sure, there are a lot of people in that group.  It does no good to tell them to “sit down and shut up” by asserting your facts without addressing their grievances.  What I’m saying is, we need to listen empathetically if we want to move forward in unity.  At this moment, I have yet to see such a gesture of political goodwill.

I will continue to try and empathetically listen to those with whom I disagree with on social media.  I don’t necessarily expect the gesture to be reciprocated.  I wish it was.  Still, I offer my thoughts here in the hope that they might inspire a bit of civility and mutual understanding in our interactions.